


of scars, pipes, and pirates with red hair.

by ココダ - coco (arurun)



Series: dad I swear it's not my fault but [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Ace has Self-esteem Issues, Cute Kids, Gen, Luffy Is a Little Shit, Sabo is an Evil Mastermind in the Making, good parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24023671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arurun/pseuds/%E3%82%B3%E3%82%B3%E3%83%80%20-%20coco
Summary: Luffy stabs himself in the eye, Ace gets self-esteem issues, and Sabo learns how to politely say fuck.(alternative title,"Garp I know you want me to convince them to be marines but like 120% of my energy goes into making sure they don't die.")
Series: dad I swear it's not my fault but [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731370
Comments: 23
Kudos: 539





	1. the two times Loto wasn't around and Luffy nearly died. (better known as 'the Shanks chapter')

Akagami no Shanks is on his knees, head on the ground, groveling for forgiveness.

Loto takes a very long drag of his pipe, elbows resting on the bar counter behind him as he glares at the pirate, hoping he could just step on that dumb head and claim that few million beri bounty right now.

Around them, the crew watches, nervous. 

“Dad, dad, I swear, it was Luffy’s fault,” Sabo tries to placate him, “don’t blame Shanks.”

“Luffy,” Loto finally speaks up, and everyone in the building jolts. Luffy is hiding behind Benn Beckman’s leg. 

(Oh, so this kid isn’t afraid to stab his own fucking eye out but he’s afraid of his dad? Good. He should be very, _very_ afraid.)

Luffy looks like he’s going to crumple into a whimpering ball at this point, and Loto muffles down the glare in favour of another deep drag of tobacco.

“You’re not allowed on the mountain for the next three weeks.”

And Luffy whines long and whiny, like a strangled frog, “but _Dad--_ ” he immediately clamps his mouth shut when Loto glares again.

Sabo escapes with Luffy out to the village, and only the adults are left in the bar.

Loto isn’t too mad at Shanks-- in fact, he almost feels sorry for the poor lad. Luffy’s always impulsive and Loto’s just glad Shanks made sure he wasn’t out to kill himself while he was gone.

Maybe he should bring the kids out next time he goes? They’re old enough to hide quietly in the cabin, after all.

Thinking again, he’s not sure if the kids know what ‘quietly’ means.

“You can lift your head now, Shanks. Unless you want me to collect your bounty you can stay there.”

“Huh? Oh, uh, okay. I’m sorry,” Shanks lifts his head, and every shoulder in the bar sags in relief, breathing again. Then Shanks brims into a grin, “but man, I didn’t expect to see you again, Luckner!” 

“I go by Loto now.”

“Makino-san, can we get a drink? Hey buddy are you off duty? Let’s catch up.”

Now, how to tell Garp.

-

"What the fuck do you mean _Luffy accidentally ate a Devil Fruit_?!"

Loto's gonna have an aneurysm, Shanks is on his knees, Benn is looking highly amused, and the rest of the pirates haven't stopped laughing about it yet. Sabo and Ace are tugging on Luffy's cheeks, making fun of the stretch, and Luffy does not enjoy being used as play-doh.

"In our defense, kids do't usually look at a weird swirly fruit that doesn't smell like anything and think 'oh hey, I think that's dessert'," Shanks says. 

And dear lord, Loto agrees. What is wrong with Luffy?

"Why didn't you keep the damn chest locked?"

"Sorry sir, we were drunk."

"I swear to god Shanks _one day_ I will bring your fucking head to Marine base--"

-

Loto is busy for the next few months.

Fisher Tiger dies, Knight of the Sea Jinbei becomes a Shichibukai, and a certain something is set free.

Marines are never not corrupt, so even though they agreed to a clean deal with Jinbei, Loto was dispatched to keep a closer eye out.

Trying to track him down a fishman and catching him red-handed takes a while of undercover, spywork, delving around, and interrogating bribed marines… but he does get there.

After a year-long mission, he finally makes his way home.

Shanks is missing an arm, Luffy’s got himself a hat, all of them boys are different ranges of traumatized, and Benn is having an aneurysm.

This time, Loto’s the one that gets on his knees, but this time, the action is fueled with nothing but sheer gratitude and relief..


	2. they don't care about your name unless it's scandalous (well fuck them)

“Ace?” 

He goes into the mountain, because it’s nightfall and Ace is nowhere to be seen.

“Ace? Where are you?”

When Ace doesn’t want to be found, he isn’t found no matter how hard Sabo and Luffy searches. 

But Loto wouldn’t be his foster father if he couldn’t find Ace whenever he wanted.

It takes a while because of the darkness, but he spots the child in the corner of the valley, avoided by the wolves and snivelling into his knees.

“Hey, Dad?” Surprisingly, Ace spots him before he shows himself. “Gramps told me you’re not my real father.”

Oh.

Oh fuck.

He never told him?

Fuck.

_ Goddammit Garp you opened this bed of worms please lay in it what the fuck-- _

“And then the people in Low Town told me that,” Ace shifted in his seat, looking away, and though his voice is soft, there’s an absence of tears. “I mean, he’s a shitty guy and the world was better off without him and then-- like-- the world’s better off without the rest of his bloodline too and--” 

“Ace,” Loto interrupts.

Ace lifts his head, sniffling. Ah, there’s the waterworks.

“Ace, tell me-- who’s your dad?” Loto asks.

Ace looks up, confused. “Gramps said-- Gramps said it was… the Pirate King…”

“No,” Loto tells him, wiping away a tear and squeezing his cheek. “Try again.”

“It’s Gold Roger!” Ace yells, punching at Loto’s chest without any strength at all, “Gramps said so!”

Loto wraps his arms around the child, and brings him right into his lap. “Nope, want to guess again?” he chuckles.

Though Ace’s face is buried in his chest, he can feel the light dampness and he even thinks Ace is pouting in there. His angry silence is adorable.

“You’re my son and no one else’s, Ace,” Loto assures him. “One day, you’ll be so amazing, people will remember you for who you are, instead of who you came from. And that’s the day you can spit on Roger’s grave and tell him how awesome you are, right?”

He feels Ace clutch tighter around his shirt.

The watery nod is answer enough.


	3. they can't subtle their way out of a paper bag (but Sabo. Sabo can)

Sabo is awesome at talking to adults, maybe because he’s the only one with manners. 

That’s certainly useful, and it certainly means something about where Sabo learned it. He evidently didn’t get that from Gray Terminal, after all. 

Well, he has a hunch, but he won’t chase it. He’s more interested in Sabo’s exciting little sneaky adventures in Low Town and the Terminal campfires. 

Loto takes one look at him and decides he would make an amazing little spy.

“Hey, Sabo,” he finds the kid at the back of the trio one day, and Sabo looks back, curious. “What do you think about being an expert at undercover operations?”

Huh? Maybe all his training with Zoro and Kuina is infecting him. He just found himself another kid to train.

Sabo blinked with interest.

“That sounds cool. What’s the catch?”

Got him.

Loto turns to the other two. “Sabo’s now my favourite kid.”

Ace and Luffy whirl around, scandalised. “WHAT?!” 

Loto enjoys seeing them wring the hell out of Sabo for being a traitor. Sabo’s trying really hard in his confused panic to convince them he isn’t trying to monopolize Dad.

_ Lesson one, kid. Talk your way out of inconvenient situations. _

-

“You’re the  _ worst _ .”

“I love you too, Sabo.”

-

“It’s not fair that you’re only teaching Sabo cool stuff!” Luffy whined, a hand on Sabo’s arm as the older one kept walking, stretching it out, “teach me something cool too!”

“Luffy, dad is teaching me this stuff because you’ll think it’s boring to learn.”

“No I won’t!”

“Yes you will.”

Sabo, finally noticing the boy’s feet weren’t following him, pries off the arm. It ricochets, smacks right into Luffy’s face, and bounces toward Loto.

Loto side steps it without even looking, stirring the pot and ladling out a small dish to taste-test.

“You’re better off learning how to aim first,” Sabo says, turning back around.

“But that’s booooring!” Luffy proceeds to throw a tantrum.

“Boring, right?” Sabo says, “I have an idea. We should go for some ramen!” 

“Ramen?” Luffy perks up. “What’s that?”

“I’ll explain later. Let’s go find Ace!” Sabo picks up his pipe, heading out the door. Luffy squeaks in excitement, racing the older boy out. Sabo makes sure to turn back around and holler to his dad, “hey dad? We’re gonna drop by High Town.”

“Be back before dinner,” Loto hollers, but they’re gone the moment he turns.

He tries to recall how that conversation just now went. 

“He’s getting better at distracting Luffy,” he says, a little impressed. Sabo was the right choice, after all. He’s a total natural at undercover operations.

Now to make sure he doesn’t become a murder child… nah, probably too late now.


	4. hair is the thinnest material in the world (well you certainly haven't seen Loto's sanity)

“You’re a noble?!”

Loto watches his children confront each other about secrets. 

He’s in the branches of a tree, lounging on his side like the Cheshire Cat, smoking on his pipe. Wait, was it the caterpillar? Whatever.

He needs to teach the kids how to really make sure they’re in a private location before they yell secrets. But maybe it’s still too early for Haki… 

The children scream out into the sea, one after another. 

“I’m going to leave my mark in the world!”

“I’m going to write a book of all my adventures!”

“I’m going to be the Pirate King!”

Loto smiles, fond. Garp’s going to have an aneurysm when he comes back, but Garp could hurl his ideals into the Florian Triangle for all he cares. 

His kids are all going to make it big and he’s going to love every second of all of this.

Wait. Where did they get the sake?

WAIT.

-

He lets them have their toast, but once they get home, they’re getting lectured.

-

-

Turns out, all three of his kids want to become pirates.

Loto was living up to his epithet of ‘Bad Luck Roulette’, because his life right now is literally just that.

Sucks to be Garp, but is Loto going to stop the children? Nah, too much effort. He’s got high blood pressure just trying to keep these gremlins alive.

His two older kids have already gotten started, keeping a stash in a tree in hopes of buying a big pirate ship one day and setting out to sea.

They showed it off proudly, charting stories about their crazy thieving endeavours in Low Town. Loto guesses there’s about five hundred thousand in there for now, but that’s if he stretches it. In a few years they’ll have a couple million.

Ace tries to climb up a tree, loses his grip, and almost falls. 

Turns out, a previous nasty-run-in with a bandit and a bad fall on his elbow gave him a loose joint to worry about.

Loto scoops up his kid and brings him to the town physician. 

Ace now needs an elbow brace.

-

Garp ties Luffy to a mountain of balloons and sets him adrift. He’s made of rubber, so Loto isn’t worried when he falls. Luffy is still crying though, so he gets cuddles tonight..

Ace is put on the highest tree branch Garp can find. Ace is by no means scared of heights, but there’s a limit to everything. He’s curled up like a kitten and Loto has to coax him down gently. 

Sabo is tossed into a not-poisonous (small mercy) snake pit. 

Surprising even Garp, Sabo walks right out of it calmly, and though they bite him, Sabo knows how to get them off and then apologizes for bothering their nest. Apparently, he likes snakes.

Sabo is the most terrifying of the three, and Garp secretly agrees.

-

Luffy is taken by a gang of pirates at the edge of the Terminal.

Of course, Ace and Sabo run to save him first thing (they lost their treasure, they later whine) but Luffy’s full of scars, Ace broke a few bones, and Sabo is black and blue. 

Loto drops everything when he sees them.

In all his thirty-whatever years of his life, he has never panicked more. Luffy’s still crying, Ace is sulking, and Sabo is lecturing Ace.

Thank the lord for Garp always throwing them around for their impromptu training sessions, because Loto has all the necessary materials needed to treat their wounds.

The kids are now grounded, and Loto takes a trip to Gray Terminal. 

He has Marine duties to attend too-- yeah, he’ll call it that.

-

“FIST OF LOVE!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAH!!”

Some days begin with a bunch of kids screaming, a deranged buff old man hot on their heels. They charge through the jungle, the trees parting (or breaking) in face of Marine Hero Garp.

A second later, another figure will charge out of the hut, sprinting after the old man.

“GARP I SWEAR TO FUCK  _ STOP _ THROWING MY KIDS HALFWAY ACROSS THE JUNGLE AT SHIT O’CLOCK”

Woop Slap sometimes walks up to this view, and he decides to just walk back down.

-

_ Knock, knock. _

Outlook III opened the door to a dark-haired man in a clean and pristine Marine coat. 

“Oh, do pardon the late visit, sir,” he says, bowing slightly, “in regards to the coming Celestial Dragon visit, I am under orders to inspect potential houses the nobles can be guests to, aside from the palace. Your manor was highly recommended.”

Outlook is slightly miffed by the unexpected guest, but he would seize any moment to curry favour with royalty.

“Of-- of course, sir, please do come in! Have some tea.” Outlook turns away to lead the guest to the living room. 

He turns back around, and his guest is gone.

-

The house is in three pieces, Sabo is on his shoulders, and Loto lets the black on his blade recede before sheathing it.

No one steals his kid. 

No one.


End file.
